Its been a little over 9 months since i started this blog.. I have tried to keep it mostly about Sewing and Quilting. Ive tried to keep it positive and uplifting.. It has been a great distraction and an escape for me. Sewing and blogging have helped keep me positive and have given me something interesting to think about. It has helped keep me busy and It has helped heal my breaking heart. But today, i decided I wanted to share a little about my real life... life away from sewing and blogs. I wanted to tell you a little about my sweet baby Chase.
Chase Merrill Johnson was born 19th March 2010.... 12 months ago today. Straight after he was born the doctors noticed he wasn't breathing properly...after tests and xrays, we realised that his lungs hadn't developed fully. After more tests, medicines, doctors and specialists trying everything they possibly could, eventually 39 hours later his little body couldn't fight any longer and he passed away.
It has been so difficult every day, living without him. Its amazing the amount of love you have for your children and the pain that's caused when they're gone. The little things in life like getting out of bed become a challenge. Your whole world stops.. but yet at the same time, continues on around you. So, 12 months have passed.
And Today for the anniversary, we spent most of the day down at the grave. We are lucky that my Grandpa thought ahead and bought 20 grave plots together... So my baby gets to be with my Grandma, Grandpa and uncle Jordy, and over time...the rest of our relatives and family can be buried there. Its not like other graves, it still has headstones, but they're planted in a garden. A garden that i can look after, plant plants and make it nice. So today, in the pouring rain........
we had a picnic, planted plants, weeded, and mulched. I actually enjoyed the rain...It made me feel like heaven was crying too.
I saw a saying recently, Sewing Heals the Soul. And for me this is so true. Sewing has helped heal me. Has kept me busy, focusing on something different and kept my mind active. I really think it has helped get me through...
I am so grateful to be surrounded by loving family and friends. They have been an amazing source of comfort and strength. I have also found so much comfort in the
knowledge I have that
families can be together forever, that there is a
plan, that after we die we will
live with our families and our lost ones again. That one day, i can be re-united with my son Chase. A close friend of ours wrote us a poem a few days after he passed away, and it has brought us so much peace.
Exaltation Assured
A baby, like many before,
Innocent and perfect in youth
Sojourned here, for a moment,
His spirit, had accepted the truth
A warrior from pre existence
Fought for Jesus for truth and for right,
His valour again was so needed
He returned, to teach God’s clear light
The light of truth, to so many
To spirits, in prison kept,
He teaches again among them,
For those, who have long time slept
So difficult was his decision
As he faced his Father above
A choice to love earthly parents
Or return, and for Him, spread love
He knows of his mothers’ yearning
So thankful for fathers strength
Born under the holy covenant
Will be with them again, at length
His parents moved by the spirit
Understanding the Gospel so true
And sealed by the spirit of promise
In faith, they do all they must do
For they know that their God and Father
Knows sorrow, for deep sacrifice
Willingly they kneel at the alter
And trust, broken hearts will suffice
Embracing they stand now united
By their side, Unseen, is their son
A warrior, behind brother and sister
This family, in spirit is one
One in the knowledge, God loves them
Aching hearts, He truly does mend
And Jesus, His promise unbroken
For each, His heart He did rend
From the depths of despair now arise
Dry your tears like the sun dries the rain
Exaltation assured, through His covenant
Loved ones will meet once again.
i miss you honey xx
