Saturday, March 19, 2011

Exaltation Assured

Its been a little over 9 months since i started this blog.. I have tried to keep it mostly about Sewing and Quilting. Ive tried to keep it positive and uplifting.. It has been a great distraction and an escape for me.  Sewing and blogging have helped keep me positive and have given me something interesting to think about. It has helped keep me busy and It has helped heal my breaking heart. But today, i decided I wanted to share a little about my real life... life away from sewing and blogs. I wanted to tell you a little about my sweet baby Chase.
 Chase Merrill Johnson was born 19th March 2010.... 12 months ago today. Straight after he was born the doctors noticed he wasn't breathing properly...after tests and xrays, we realised that his lungs hadn't developed fully. After more tests, medicines, doctors and specialists trying everything they possibly could, eventually 39 hours later his little body couldn't fight any longer and he passed away.
It has been so difficult every day, living without him. Its amazing the amount of love you have for your children and the pain that's caused when they're gone. The little things in life like getting out of bed become a challenge. Your whole world stops.. but yet at the same time, continues on around you. So, 12 months have passed.
And Today for the anniversary, we spent most of the day down at the grave. We are lucky that my Grandpa thought ahead and bought 20 grave plots together... So my baby gets to be with my Grandma, Grandpa and uncle Jordy, and over time...the rest of our relatives and family can be buried there. Its not like other graves, it still has headstones, but they're planted in a garden. A garden that i can look after, plant plants and make it nice. So today, in the pouring rain........
 we had a picnic, planted plants, weeded, and  mulched. I actually enjoyed the rain...It made me feel like heaven was crying too.
I saw a saying recently, Sewing Heals the Soul. And for me this is so true. Sewing has helped heal me. Has kept me busy, focusing on something different and kept my mind active. I really think it has helped get me through...
I am so grateful to be surrounded by loving family and friends. They have been an amazing source of comfort and strength. I have also found so much comfort in the knowledge I have that families can be together forever, that there is a plan, that after we die we will live with our families and our lost ones again. That one day, i can be re-united with my son Chase. A close friend of ours wrote us a poem a few days after he passed away, and it has brought us so much peace.

Exaltation Assured

A baby, like many before,
Innocent and perfect in youth
Sojourned here, for a moment,
His spirit, had accepted the truth

A warrior from pre existence
Fought for Jesus for truth and for right,
His valour again was so needed
He returned, to teach God’s clear light

The light of truth, to so many
To spirits, in prison kept,
He teaches again among them,
For those, who have long time slept

So difficult was his decision
As he faced his Father above
A choice to love earthly parents
Or return, and for Him, spread love

He knows of his mothers’ yearning
So thankful for fathers strength
Born under the holy covenant
Will be with them again, at length

His parents moved by the spirit
Understanding the Gospel so true
And sealed by the spirit of promise
In faith, they do all they must do

For they know that their God and Father
Knows sorrow, for deep sacrifice
Willingly they kneel at the alter
And trust, broken hearts will suffice

Embracing they stand now united
By their side, Unseen, is their son
A warrior, behind brother and sister
This family, in spirit is one

One in the knowledge, God loves them
Aching hearts, He truly does mend
And Jesus, His promise unbroken
For each, His heart He did rend

From the depths of despair now arise
Dry your tears like the sun dries the rain
Exaltation assured, through His covenant
Loved ones will meet once again.

      i miss you honey xx

80 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing. My cousin lost her baby boy in the same way, and it was heartache for the entire family. You have a beautiful family!

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  2. Enjoy the day. Feel everything, the air, the rain, sun, trees, flowersand all the little things. Everything that was is there with us. Beauty surrounds us and love is what keeps us going.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss...I cannot imagine. I've been following you for a while now and to see how you've given out of your grief is so touching. That poem is so beautiful too.

    Praying for you today!

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  5. Good Morning Dear Rebecca! Your little son Chase was beautiful and perfect! He still is! I am so sorry to hear of your separation from Chase. Thank you for sharing your heart and life! My daughter lost her little Alexander 4 years ago April 18th and I know that there is nothing more difficult to go through. But my heart rejoices that you know Jesus and know that there is Hope and Life In Him, and after this short life we live here on earth you will be reunited with Chase! What a blessing Chase's short life was and is to you and your family! Yes...love knows no length of time!!!

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  6. So sorry about your lost. It must be difficult to live without Chase. I don't know how you can cope with that sorrow, but I'm glad he was surrounded with so much love, and still is.
    And that the blogosphere somehow helps you.

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  7. so sad to have your baby taken so soon. It must be a comfort to have him with your grandparents and uncle now. That sure was planning in advance on your grandfathers part and nice to be able to have a garden like that - so much more personal than other places I have seen.
    Karen
    http://karensquilting.com/blog/

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  8. Im so sorry for your loss. I am not very good at words sometimes but wanted to let you know.
    You have a beautiful family..so glad you find comfort in Jesus.

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  9. Thank you for sharing. I know what you feel. It is the hardest thing to endure some days but it sounds as if you have great faith and that will keep your Chase with you and your family and Jesus does bring peace. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  10. Oh my Rebecca; I can only imagine what you and your family have gone through. I have 3 grown sons...4 grandsons...they are my world. I am so very sorry for your loss. Little Chase is a much loved little boy. You know; my husband's name is Merrill..and it is my oldest sons middle name..I wish you and your family all the best...so glad that talking to everyone;and your sewing has been of some help.

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  11. When my oldest son was born we were told he may not make it and he fought in the NICU for 2 months. He is now a healthy and happy 11 year old but I never forget the fear and helplessness. Your post will remind me to hug him an extra time today. Thank you for sharing your story and your healing process. I also belive that Sewing is Therapy, keep up your treatments.

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  12. That was so touching, thanks for sharing.

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  13. A very moving post, Rebecca. What a heartbreaking story - I'm so glad you have found some measure of healing.

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  14. I am truly sad for you and your family to lose such a sweet soul. God Bless you! I am thankful you have the knowledge to get through such a difficult time, it is truly a blessing.

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  15. He is beautiful...your a warrior woman. Love and hugs, Allison

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  16. I'm so sorry Rebecca. What a comfort the Plan of Salvation is. Even when we don't understand anything else, it's the one thing we can hold on to for hope. My thoughts and prayers are with you & your family today.

    Colleen

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  17. Thanks for sharing; praying for you and your family today. May God continue to grant you peace that surpasses understanding.

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  18. It feels so out of order for a child to enter heaven before his parents. Our son passed away two years ago at age 33. Age does not matter. A parents grief is like no other. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. May God bless and strengthen you on this journey.

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  19. I'm so sorry Rebecca, I'm thinking of you today.

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  20. My heart goes out to you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you on this day.

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  21. I can't imagine anything more difficult, my heart hurts for you.

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  22. I am so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing about your sweet boy. I know that will be an amazing heavenly reunion.

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  23. It was so brave of you to share. Wishing you and your family abundant comfort and healing...

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  24. Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss and am sure that today is a difficult one. My heart goes out to you and your family. Blessings to you all.

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  25. Oh Rebecca, that is something no parent should ever have to go through. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal part of your life. Such a beautiful poem that has so much depth and emotion. I am so very sorry.

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  26. It's such a beautiful thing for a spirit to come here, even for a short time - to know that they chose you, your family, and they will be yours through the eternities, even if that doesn't include our earthly life. What a blessing for Chase to not have to endure this test, this life, and all of the grief that comes with it - he went straight to glory, joy, and honor. Bless you for being the vehicle, and for having faith in Heavenly Father's plan.

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  27. Chase is such a beautiful boy! Thanks so much for sharing with us. I'm glad that you've found sewing a way to heal!

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  28. Rebecca, what a sad but lovely post. I hope that time and faith bring healing to you and your family; you will always hold Chase in your heart. Thinking of you today xx

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  29. that must have been really hard for you to share. i am so sorry.

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  30. ...you have found a positive way to take your mind busy,realizing this gorgeus blog.Now,let your heart free to show your pain and your sadness,unfortunatly it's life,thanks to talk about your little angel with us.I'm sure your baby love you and he will protect you all days.I hope life will give you much much joy.

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  31. I don't know what to say.....I can only imagine how painful it must have been - and still is - for you to have given birth to such a beautiful little boy only to have him leave this earth and your arms so soon. My heart goes out to you.

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  32. Oh, Rebecca. My heart is breaking for you. It is comforting to know Heavenly Father's plan but it doesn't take away the ache to hold your baby. I am sorry that you didn't get to watch little Chase grow up. You and your sweet family are in my prayers today.

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  33. I can't begin to imagine the pain that you have endured this past year Rebecca. You are truly inspiring and I admire the way you have put yourself out there. I have a 10 month old baby and reading your story makes me eternally grateful for every single day. I'm so sorry for you loss.

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  34. My heart breaks for you as well. I hope you are able to continue to heal and find joy in your days.

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  35. I can only imagine how difficult this day and this past year have been for you. Stay strong my friend. You are a true inspiration xo

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  36. I am sorry you have to feel such pain. My precious first daughter died 6 yrs ago on the 16/3. Nothing I can say will ease the pain, and even though I only stumbled upon your blog, I want to let you know I am thinking of you. xx

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  37. Rebecca, we have spoken before via email. Your post about Chase is so moving, it brought me to tears. I know the pain and what it is like to live each day without your baby. The first 12 months are very hard as life moves on around you and as you said, even getting out of bed is a challenge. Chase's garden is beautiful and his sunset is absolutely stunning.

    Thinking of you,
    Angela MItchell

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  38. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear it though... so thinking of you! *hugs*
    Have you come across Lucinda's blog- www.lucends.blogspot.com I think? She went through something similar and now has a son called Chase (which is pretty spooky). But her son that she lost was Cooper. Anyway she is one of my bee friends... just thought you might like to check her blog out if you haven't already.

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  39. Wish you and your family all the best. I can't imagine how difficult it is to lose a child and what a strong person you must be. What a beautiful way to remember your son.

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  40. Thank you for sharing your story..I cannot imagine how difficult this must be...you will always miss him. Hugs Suz x

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  41. Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing and for sharing your joy.

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  42. I am so sorry for your loss, Rebecca. What a sweet little angel. My cousin lost her newborn baby just a year ago as well, and I know it isn't easy. May God bless you and your family.

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  43. Sharing your tears...I pray that God comforts you in many ways.

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  44. Our hearts have been bound together by loss. Many hugs and prayers coming your way.

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  45. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little one a year ago. He is precious and perfect, I am so desperately sorry that he couldn't stay with you on earth, I can only begin to imagine the heartbreak. Thank you for sharing that very moving insight into your lives.

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  46. Thank you for sharing your story......heartbreaking, brought me to tears. I can only imagine how hard this year has been for you. Many warm hugs to you and your family.

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  47. Thanks you for sharing your story. I am so glad you found a distraction in quilting, quilters by nature are such a supportive bunch. My prayers are with your family.

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  48. Dear Rebecca! Words feel so less...I think Chase everytime I visit you, because I remember how you named your blog. It must have been the most difficult year for you and your family. I'm happy that sewing has given to you something to keep your mind busy. You have a beautiful family and it's so good to have them and your friends around! You are in my thoughts and in my tears!
    Love xxx Teje

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  49. Rebecca my heart fill for you pain as I was reading about what you had written about you beautiful baby boy I was crying. The garden is such a lovely spot for your family to visit.

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  50. My heart just breaks for you and your family! I have never lost a baby but my mom lost 9. I can't even imagine the pain you and your family have been through. I loved your poem and cried while reading it. I hope He is able to heal your hearts and allow you to enjoy your life and the two little sweethearts you have. God bless you and your family!!

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  51. Oh Rebecca. Sending love and prayer for peace to you especially today.

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  52. He really was beautiful and perfect :)
    I really like the garden grave, it seems a nice place to visit.
    What a lovely thought that heaven was crying yesterday ( as crazy as it sounds I thought the rain yesterday was special )
    I hope this next year brings you comfort and peace.

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  53. Wow, I so appreciate you sharing your story. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  54. Thank you for sharing, sometimes, sharing bring healing and allows others to pour out compassion. Thank you for allowing us in and giving us the chance to do what God asks of us...pray!

    Heaven does cry with you. I know for sure that God's heart breaks when ours are broken. And He also has the healing it needs!

    Blessings!

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  55. Sewing does heal the soul, it teaches patience, makes you focus, it helps hold you together. Thanks for sharing Bec.

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  56. This is my first time visiting your blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. My own twin daughters were born 10 weeks early. One is happy and healthy with me. The other fought hard for 9 months and 11 days before leaving us. It's been 4 years now, but I can still remember how fresh that grief was at 12 months. I know what you mean. Time does stop for you- but people- they move on. I was angry about that for a long time. I have the bittersweet pleasure of raising her identical twin. I still miss Aleah with every beat of my heart, and living my life without her seems absolutely unnatural.

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  57. Dear Rebecca, your heartache resonates within me, as does your path over the last 12 months. I feel for you deeply. It is 14 months since my youngest son- aged just 15 years- died in a bushwalking accident. My creative spirit disappeared but I have continued sewing ...motivated by my decision to donate everything I make to the Mt Wilson Rural Fire Service for their fundraising efforts.
    Thankyou for sharing, as I know words ore often so difficult.
    Cathie

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  58. May every day lessen the pain and the understanding you have that we will all be together with our family again bring you peace.

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  59. Oh Bec, I've just cried. Had a crap weekend at work with a little baby just like Chase whose very young parents are beside themselves, he will be extubated this morning. I know we've talked at length in private about Chase and your family but I am grateful to have seen pictures of your little man. You know where I am if you need a chat. {{Huge huge hugs}}

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  60. I have suffered through miscarriages, and that has been hard enough - I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for your family. Thank goodness for eternal families - that sweet little boy is yours forever!

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  61. God Bless you and your family. You have a beautiful family.

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  62. Rebecca, I came on your blog to find out more about your gorgeous patterns I helped Sheridan pack for SIT last week. Little did I know that such a heartbreaking experience had led you to such beautiful creativity. Your story has moved me and my thoughts go out to you. x

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  63. that is every mother's worst nightmare.
    you are so brave to share.
    i am so sorry this happened to you.
    stay strong.

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  64. I hope you are doing okay this week Bec! Thinking of you and your precious family. So grateful to know that families are forever ... I'm sure it still doesn't make the waiting to see Chase again any easier though. Sending hugs and prayers your way XOXO

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  65. Rebecca, what a moving & beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

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  66. my heart goes out to you and your family. I'm glad you have found relief in sewing. And having the garden sounds beautiful.

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  67. Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I just found your blog through Cheri Litchfield. I am Jay Merrill's granddaughter - my son's middle name is also Merrill! :) I love your blog! I look forward to following!!

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  68. This is my first time seeing your blog. I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Chase. May you find peace and comfort through Christ. Blessings to you and your family

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  69. God bless you for the strength it took to post about your precious angel. I will say a prayer for you and your family this morning. Find comfort in knowing that life on earth is a brief moment and you will spend eternity with your precious Chase. Lisa in Texas

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  70. I'm sorry. crying now. March 26 was the fifth anniversary of the death of my son...He was 26, and left a 5 month old who will never remember her daddy. But, like you, I believe that we will be reunited in heaven. I often think of him looking down on us...chuckling, and telling us...don't be sad...he's happy now, and whole, and healthy, and with God.
    Be with |God. So sorry you had to join this sad club of parents who lost children. so sad.

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  71. Hi. I am a new follower and right now I don't even know how I found you but I have been reading your past posts and when I read this one I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Thank you for sharing your deepest grief with us. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Blessings, Kathleen

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  72. Peace be with you. I know Chase will always have a special place in your family.

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  73. how heartbreaking, thank you for sharing with us, I'm sure it was difficult. Chase was so precious as are your other children. On a happy note, I am so thrilled I found your blog this week - I am taking the Quilt Class (just started but I got my fabrics/tools, all my charms pinned and almost half sewn, cut & pressed!) You are a part of my yearly 'learn to do something new' goal - it is to learn to quilt! Thank you & God Bless You/your family every day!!

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  74. May you continue to remember your little chase and know of gods love for you. Thank heavens for the atonement. I am glad you know you will be with him again! love and continued blessings. Cindy

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